


Just Breathe

by HappyPoodle



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dom/sub, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-29 20:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5141972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyPoodle/pseuds/HappyPoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is a Sub who has taken hidden his entire life. He takes Neutralizers (hormone suppressants) and drops only when his body give in. The only time he's experienced a non-medicated drop was Afghanistan. To him, drops are a nightmare to be survived. Now, he's been forced to stop the Neutralizers due to some life-threatening complications. Being off hormones for the first time since Afghanistan means he <em>will</em> drop, and <em>hard</em>.<br/>Bucky is a Dom who was abused and treated like a Sub by Hydra. He is willing to do anything to save his friend. Will he be enough to keep Tony together?</p><p>Inspired by "All the Broken Pieces" by Shi_Toyu. (Written after Chapter 3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All the Broken Pieces](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3830761) by [Shi_Toyu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shi_Toyu/pseuds/Shi_Toyu). 



“Damn it!” Tony fought back tears as he hunched over his foot. It was stupid- just a dropped wrench- but this was the third time in as many minutes, and this time it had landed on his toe. “Come on, pull yourself together Stark!” He muttered to himself. He’d known what was coming when he’d stopped the Neutralizers, but knowing the drop was coming was very different from feeling it. He could feel sweat prickling on his forehead and his hands shook as he picked up the wrench. 

“Here.” A gentle hand wrapped over his, steadying it. Tony looked up to see Bucky crouching beside him, brown eyes warm and reassuring. 

“Sorry. I-” To Tony’s horror, Bucky’s presence just brought the tears even closer to the surface and he had to stop as his throat closed up on his words. 

“Hey! Whoa!” Bucky reached out and carefully wiped the tears Tony hadn’t even realized he was crying from his face. “It’s ok. I’ve got you.” Before Tony could respond, Bucky had put an arm under his legs and lifted him up, off the floor.

Tony squirmed, face flushing with embarrassment. “You don’t have to- ”

“I know.” Bucky said soothingly. “But I’m going to make sure this is as different as possible from...the other times.” 

“But I’m not even all the way dropped yet!” Tony squirmed harder. 

Bucky relented and set him down, keeping a careful arm around his waist. “That’s the point. I’m not leaving you to drop alone, on the floor of your workshop.” 

Tony grimaced. Bucky had a point. The cold, concrete floor of his workshop would feel a lot like the floor of the cave once he dropped. 

Bucky must have taken his grimace as agreement because he started steering Tony out of the lab and into the elevator. “Penthouse please, Jarvis.” 

Tony let himself lean into Bucky as the elevator started up. He could feel another wave of heat rushing through him, trying to pull him down. He bit his lip hard, trying to fight it. “Tony.” Soft hands cupped his face. “Tony, look at me. Open your eyes.” Bucky’s voice was soft, but even the hint of dom overtones that seeped through were enough to push Tony to open his eyes. He was slipping fast. “There you go.” Bucky’s eyes were sad, and he traced a finger across Tony’s lips. “You don’t have to fight it, Tony. I’ve got you.” 

With a start Tony realized his lip was throbbing where it was clenched between his teeth. “I don’t know how.” 

Bucky pulled him in so his head rested against his chest. “It’s ok. Just relax.” 

But Tony, trembling in Bucky’s arms, couldn’t relax. He could feel the drop creeping up on him, pulling him inescapably down and all he wanted to do was run. He could feeling the beginnings of panic creeping in. “No, Bucky,” he tried to push away, “you don’t understand. I can’t. Please! I can’t drop! You can’t let me!” 

There was a pause. ‘I can’t, Tony.” Bucky said sadly. “You’ve put it off too long. The only way would be Neutralizers and you can’t…” his voice trailed off helplessly. “It’ll be ok. I promise.” 

“No!” Tony shook his head violently, breaking free of Bucky’s grasp. “I can’t. Please Bucky!” He started to feel lightheaded and he leant against the wall for support. “Don’t make me. Please!” He was crying again, but he was beyond embarrassment. He was sinking lower and lower and every moment his panic was increasing. Spots were dancing in front of his eyes. He knew Bucky was talking to him, but he could no longer make out the words. Until… 

**“Tony. Breathe.”** The voice cut through his panic, resonating through his bones. Tony sucked in one deep breath followed by another. **“There you go. Good boy. Try to match my breaths.”** A little bit of the panic receded at the praise and Tony slowed his breathing to match the presence in front of him. “There you go.” Some of the overpowering command had disappeared from the voice. “You’re doing so good. Keep breathing Tony.” Tony was lifted up and held in warm, strong arms. He leaned his head against the solid chest and listened to the soothing sounds of breathing. “You back with me?” 

“Yes sir.” Tony tucked his head down in shame. “Sorry sir.” 

The breathing paused for a second, then continued. “You don’t have to be sorry Tony. You’re doing so well.” Lips were pressed softly to the top of his head. “You’re being so brave.” 

“I am?” Tony tilted his head up to look into Bucky’s concerned eyes, unable to believe what he’d heard. 

Bucky smiled. “Yes. You are.” He set Tony gently down on his bed and smoothed Tony’s hair back. “I’m so proud of you Tony. So proud of you for fighting and not giving up.” He shook his head and his voice cracked slightly. “I can’t lose you.” 

Tony pressed himself closer to Bucky. “I’m not going anywhere” 

Bucky smiled gently. “I know.” He pressed another kiss to Tony’s forehead and pulled the blankets up over his shoulders. 

Tony let himself melt into the touch. “I’m a good boy?” He let the question slip out. When he came back up he’d be dying of shame, but right now he just wanted the reassurance. 

“You’re perfect.” Bucky murmured. 

“Ok.” Tony let his eyes slip closed. The sudden and intense drop coupled with his panic attack had left him exhausted. He let himself drift to the feel of Bucky’s hand in his hair. 

____  
_He’s cold. So cold. That’s the first thing he remembers. Before the pain, before the lack of air, he remembers the cold. The rest seeps in, slowly. Hands on the back of his neck, holding him down. Pain. So much pain it blocks out everything else, for a second. Then he is breathing again, on his knees, staring into the tub of water. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Broken, grovelling; he can barely even recognize his own voice. “I’ll be good. I promise I’ll be good.” But he isn’t good enough. He never is._  


He wakes up on the floor his room, the smell of vomit strong in the air. “Oh Jesus Christ. Jesus _fuck_!” Tony pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I don’t know if I can do this Bucky.” He feels a hand on his shoulder and jerks away violently, memories of other, crueler hands rising to the surface. 

“Ok. Ok.” Bucky says and Tony hears him backing away. “I’m not gonna touch you, but I’m right here Tony. Just listen to my voice, ok? You’re in the tower, in New York. You’re safe.” 

Tony shook his head. “No. This was a stupid idea. I should have-” 

“You should have _what_?” Bucky snaps. “Let yourself die? You can’t let those fuckers win _now_!” 

“I don’t know if I can.” 

“You can.” Bucky is right in front of him now, holding a hand out in silent invitation. Tony grabs it, clings to it like a life raft. “ _We_ can. I’ll be there every step of the way. I’ll get you through this, I promise.” Tony can feel himself shaking. Without thinking, he leans forward into Bucky. There’s a pause and then arms are wrapping around him. Bucky is cautious, at first, but he grips firmer as Tony relaxes into him. “I’ve got you.” Bucky whispers into Tony’s ear. 

Bucky holds him until his shaking stops and his breathing evens out. Eventually, the sour scents of sweat and vomit sink through Tony’s haze and he squirms. Bucky releases him instantly. “What do you need?” 

“A shower.” 

“Ok.” Bucky doesn’t question him, just stands and offers a hand to Tony, letting go as soon as Tony is standing. 

“It’s ok.” Tony mumbles. “It was just the flashback. I don’t like being touched right after them, not until I’ve come all the way back. I’m ok now.” He’s hardly finished before Bucky has scooped him up in his arms, carrying him carefully towards to the bathroom. Tony’s cheeks burn, but he doesn’t ask to be put down. 

When they reach the bathroom, Bucky sets Tony down gently before walking over to the bathtub and starting to run the water. 

“Are you running a _bath_?” 

“This way you don’t have to put your face in the water and I don’t have to worry about you falling down and cracking your head open.” Bucky tests the water again. Apparently satisfied, he wipes his hands on his pants and turns back to Tony. Tony is terrified he’s going to suggest they share the bath but Bucky just gives him a careful look before walking to the counter and leaning against it. Tony’s fingers feel clumsy and unwieldy as he struggles with the buttons on his jeans, hyper aware of Bucky’s eyes on him. “I want to help you.” Bucky says softly. 

Tony waves him away. “I’m not dropped anymore. You don’t have to worry about that stuff.” 

Bucky takes a step forward.“I don’t _have_ to do anything.” His voice is low and hard. “You deserve to be taken care of.” For a moment, Tony worries he is going to press the issue, then he takes a deep breath and looks away. “I’m worried what will happen if you drop again while you’re still in the water. But I’m more worried what will happen if you think I’m holding you down. ” 

Tony swallows and looks down. 

“If you’re thinking of apologizing,” Bucky continues, “remember all the time we had to spend figuring out how to work on my arm without me freaking out. You haven’t even broken my nose yet.” 

Tony smiled wryly. “Pepper says it gives me character.” 

Bucky snorts. “Yeah, and you were so short of that before.” 

Tony laughs with him and some his tension drops away. 

Bucky’s hands might twitch a few times as Tony slowly fumbles his way into the bath, but he stays by the counter. Tony is just starting to think about shampooing his hair when he feels it; the familiar dizzying rush of a drop. “Fuck.” It’s all he’s able to say before Bucky’s there, pulling him out of the water and wrapping him in a towel. 

“It’s ok.” Bucky’s carrying him out of the bathroom, away from the water. “You’re good, Tony. Just relax.” 

“Ok.” Tony lets himself sink into Bucky’s arms. Now that they’ve left the water behind his panic is receding. 

“That’s it. Good boy.” Bucky settles Tony gently on the bed bed, rubbing a soothing hand along his back. “I’ve got you.” 

Bucky’s hand feels good and Tony is too tried to put up much of a fight, so he relaxes and lets the drop take him. For a moment, he feels like he is suffocating, but a voice breaks through the panic. “Come on Tony, breath through it.” He sucks in a breath and feels the panic recede. “Good job.” A brushes gently through his hair. “Good boy, Tony. Keep breathing. Just like that.” 

Tony closes his eyes and focuses on the _in_ and _out_ of his breathing until eventually, it slows. His eyes are heavy and he lets himself be dragged under into sleep. Maybe he can do this after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> This work is inspired by "All the Broken Pieces" by Shi_Toyu. They put in all the effort of creating the backstory and plot, I just wrote the fluff in the middle. See the bottom for a link to their work. This will not make a ton of sense on it's own because I give no context in the story. I tried to write a super simplified summary above, but it will be way better in the context of Shi_Toyu's work. 
> 
> Basically, I read it and got fascinated by the idea of Tony literally facing the choice of drop or die. Given his history and how Ten Rings used his nature as a sub against him, dropping would be his worst nightmare. Bucky's going to have to walk him through it until his hormones return to normal. Right now it's just one chapter because I wasn't kidding when I said I let Shi-Toyu do all the work. I have no beta. This was basically spewed straight from my brain onto the screen as soon as I finished Chapter 3. I hope it isn't too terrible. I have a bunch of other stuff that didn't fit into this chapter, so I might do a second one later, but for now, this is stand-alone.
> 
> Oh yes- and I am still working on my other work. I just got sick for 2 weeks, went on vacation for two weeks, and now am struggling with how to tie up my lose ends.


End file.
